Crumbles Apart

After such a long time.. I'm back

back to this blog I mean

well, I have this thing to be taken into account. so I won't forget

Special Day's Disaster

I feel so miserable today.. It's Father's Day..
Not only the greeting was much latter than usual, I also did it myself
Not that I blame my brother. Okay, I'm being hypocrite by saying I don't blame him.. Let's see..
Choosing the present, he's not really giving thought on choosing which one. Then the size, I'm sure it's smaller size but he managed to make me waver at my choice and at last, he's wrong. It's small size.
I was searching for card because we always give our present with a card. He said it's not necessary at all, that I'm too exaggerating.
When the day come to give the present, which is today, I asked him when should we hand out the gift. He was just nonchallantly said I don't know without leaving his attention from his laptop screen. I asked him the second time just now because it's already so late and he didn't even mention about it, and he ignored me.
I snapped and gave the gift myself. My father received it and asked what's it? I said see it for yourself and sorry the size is wrong. Then I could felt my eyes sting when he replied what's the use of giving someone what they can't use? Okay. That's it. This is the worst year of my life.
I remember how in Mother's Day, I gave my mom a shoulder bag, which is too big and too hard because I bought it online.
When I looked back, I can't really blame my brother. Because I'm the one who is responsible for both of the special day. I'm the one who wavers and can't make her own decision. Past years were all my sister's and when this year lands to me, this is what happen..

I really screwed up things, neh?

Pets

Okay.
I wanted to own a cat, badly. But I know I can't own (well, I can't OWN a cat. Cat is a living being, and not to be owned by anyone) them because that's just my curiosity. I get bored of things very fast that's why I can't have something related to commitment. I had searched online for cats adoption and had an impulse to adopt one. But then, I realise. These poor cats don't deserve me as their adopter. I get bored easily. I'm a student. An international student. Studying in Singapore. Which means I don't know anything about Singapore other than MY basic needs. I don't have income. My home always empty during the day. Most importantly: I never pet a cat before. Which means I only saw them, watch them and never touched them before.
I don't have anyone that can give advice on pet to me because no one around me have one themselves.
I really love cat since I'm a kid, but that's just from my observation. Like I said, I never really get to know anything about cats more than what my eyes can see.
To boot it up, I had a hamster before, and it died after 6 months. From starvation? I'm not sure because I was so heart broken that I don't want to handle his corpse. I'm the worst. I know I am. I feel so guilty that I didn't give him much more care than he should have. I shouldn't have bought him. If I didn't, He probably is still alive that conclude everything for me. No pet. I don't want to kill another living beings just because of my curiouity and impulsiveness. I love you, Tamiie, and sorry that I didn't love you enough and took better care of you. Don't forgive me, because I don't deserve it.

Do you need it or want it?

So.... I want to ask a simple thing. What's the difference of needs and wants?
.
..
...
....
.....
Okay. After attending my marketing lecture, I found out what those definition had in me for as long as I remember are wrong. My primary school (or kindergarten?) teacher had taught us in a wrong way.
Needs = something that is essential for living
Wants = something you crave for but not necessarily important. Therefore conclude want is not as important as need. As example, you have money, but you have to spend it on your needs rather than what you want that does not hold much meaning at all.

and, it's WRONG.

Need is state of deprivation including physical, social, and individual needs (okay, that's too deep, I'm just gonna rephrase it as the same as the one above there)
Want is form that human need takes, as shaped by culture and individual personality (taken from my notes, too hard to understand but I tried: is a form of what someone use to satisfy their need.)
Example: you have to eat, therefore a need for food. What someone from America and from Asia want to satisfy their hunger are different. Both need food, but American might wants burger or steak to satisfy the need while Asian might wants noodle or rice.

BOOM. My brain exploded right at that second. Mindblown.
How could I mistaken such a basic thing for my entire life?

I wonder..

Why when I'm browsing through the internet for BRAND'S Chicken Essence, many said that it has a 'disgusting' flavour that made them want to puke?
Like come on, I like the taste so much that make me want to drink the second bottle after the first one.
It has such a unique taste that I found it yummy. True, the adult's one is not as tasty as the one for kids, but still the taste is so unforgettable that it still lingers in my mouth for few hours (well yeah, I just took one a few hours ago)
I never try the other like ginseng or cordyceps. I have always drink the plain one.
I read that those can have more benefits than the 'original' but I don't know. For me the plain one is enough. Although after drank it I don't feel any difference, but when I sit for paper, I can remember most of the things I studied!
Well, I kind of disappointed though for the rather expensive price. It's not like i can afford to drink it whenever I like (told you, I like the flavour so sometime I tend to treat it as 'tea' or some kind PS. I like tea! Very much).
Okay, so whoever think that the taste is disgusting or whatever, you will regret it. Probably.
Because you might find it delicious after some time! Days, or weeks, or years.
I don't know why I'm posting this. It just crossed my mind.

V, for Peace

Yesterday was full of... What?
How to say it..
First, my very first time to order delivery at here. Moreover, via internet
Second, I bought a figure of Boa Hancock on Ebay. Though it's not that biggie, but it is for me! 1st time buy thing through ebay, and 2nd time buy thing by internet.
Third, my aunt won a lucky draw.
Umm.. So much things happened yesterday. While I just stayed at home 24 hours due to only-god-and-admins-know-what-the-fuck-is-that-day holiday.
Well, quite busy these days that i didn't drop by which I don't even fucking know what I'm busy for. Duh.
Well, have a lovey dovey val's day, minna. Dah!

What the hell

Here I am, sitting alone mortifying what happened this week.
Monday: nothing actually beside doing assignment and go home faster than others
Tuesday: do assignment at friend's house stay overnight and did it to 6 a.m morning.
Wednesday: woke up at 10 a.m and ready for school. Reality, skip class and do assignment whole day until 9 p.m and went home. Reach home, do assignment until 9a.m in morning without nap. Straight ahead.
Thursday: feels like shit and skip class to sleep at home, until 3p.m
Friday: overslept. Woke up at 11.30 a.m, class start at 12, couldn't find my ezlink and student card at all. from home to school need fucking 1 hour. Took taxi to school, which I reached at 12.40.. Damn past the grace period. Went to student helpdesk, been told to appeal at portal, which I believe will be rejected.
Damnit! This week is so fucking unbelievable.

Mama I'm in a terrible headache

(sing it with criminal by britney spears rhythm!)
And yes! I'm having headache right now. Gosh, I was just exposed to rain for about 10 mins and this skull of mine already squeezing my brain.
Another headache: being the very 1st group to do presentation. OH! NOO!
This is the worst beginning of dragon year! And mind you, also the 2012 new year.
God.. Although I'm very depressed at the fact for being 1st group, I feel relieved for being the 1st one to be able to put the rock on shoulder away.
But! I haven't do any preparation, also haven't find outwear, still haven't begin the report
GOD! HELP MEEEE

Black grey white

Today (well, now is 29th of Jan, 2:46 AM, so just take it as 28th) I drawn 2 papers!! Hoooooray!
Energy stored.
AHAHHA
is there anything special happen today? Well, nope.

Diarrhehuuuu~

Today is bizarre.. Not only I woke up late, got moody mood, but also got diarrhea.
Ughhh.. I thought today's lecture will be fun because we will go to lab and that means play time!
Uhuu..
Fuck you damn stomach.

Think about things

Hii.. I'm back again with alot of reflects.. As I thought.. If I study art, maybe I will feel more durable studying here as the subject is what I have passion with..
Looking at the me now I only have one question pop out instantly: what am I doing here?
Well.. Every morning getting up feels like hell is waiting for my routine visits..
I don't know what I am doing and worst of all, I don't want to know
This is just not for me, not me.
I keep finding myself dumbfounded during lectures.. Hell.. At least I still can imagine what to say in art course, not this shitty report thing.
I WANT TO DRAW! I FUCKING NEED IT!
However, due to shit courses, they keep pulling me away from doing it
I crave for having this kind of excitement when I'm looking forward to my complete paper, my complete drawing, my complete beings.
This is just way too late to regret.. Or maybe not.
Whatever it is, I might not be able to find what I really good at anymore..
At the very least in high school I know I can draw something decent, but not now when I can't spend a lil bit of time to at least try to practice something I never done.

Second mistake of my life: coming to Singapore.
This. Is. Not. What. I. Imagined. It. To. Be!!
Well, since junior high school I already develop into an unsociable person.
At least when I'm at where I was, people know who I am and how I behave but not here.
I know we always have to try something new.
But new things not always good. At least uncomfortable. Mind you, VERY.
Because of my unsociable attitude I had lost my ability to communicate well, to talk fluently, to tell jokes, no need to mention to have fun with classmates.
Hell, that was me when I was in my country which still communicates using my first language.
But to the hell for now - ah.. I just went to hell, so now what? To the depth of earth? Good stuff - Everything gotten worse. Not only I have to speak in foreign language, I have to meet a bunch of heads I don't know and can't see through. Worst of all, I become mute and act like deaf.
Whatever, I hope 2012 really do happen therefore I don't need to be alive anymore..
I think suicide is not an option, thinking my parents back in home I think people who think of doing that haven't think further (well, I used to think avout suicide, but let's just pretend I didn't :trollface:)

Third point for today:
I, Sherley, will NOT get married nor have boyfriend!
Phew~ I'm just thinking I need to clarify this out to remind me my determination.

Fourth point! I hereby claim that I will visit this blog more often than previously. (I always forgot what I said, but this is for sure)
Why? Every morning I woke up feeling like.. P. diddy? Nah you bet.
No. I felt like shit. I mean real shit. Because I get this emotional over nothing! WTH?! This is the worst case of my life.. Crying over some images my brain produce. Fuck. You. Brain.
That's why I will make sure to post here about what I get so moody with in case I need to study it (like a reasearcher)

Last but nit least, have a good night babes.. And my kitty out there somewhere in hueco mundo (nah, what am I talking about?)
This is my kitty I doodle on my desk.. No eyes.. So what?

Okay then g~bye